Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Set 'em up, knock 'em down!

I made the mistake of plowing through a lot of "tasks" today.
Accomplishment level: inflated high.
Would I rather have done something meatier?
Of course!
I had that as my plan, as well as the little piddly things.
But I didn't get to the heart of what I needed to do until the end of the day.
And that just made me want to kick myself right into the next county.
I am better than this.
But, alas, my attention span is for shit of late.
I vacilate between a lack of motivation, and then a desire to turn into a whilrwind.
No middle-ground for this cookie.
I plot out a plan for the day.
I get a good head of steam going, and then, inevitably, some task or request comes in that derails me.
My time is not really my own right now.
And I've come to accept that.
The problem arises, when my motivation is in the crapper and then I have shit to do, I can't seem to get my engine revved, and then when I DO finally get going, WHAM! A request that I HAVE to fulfill.
Maybe I don't have to fulfill it, but I am obliged to at least respond to the request.
And, more often than not, because I have put myself in that position, I DO have to fulfill it.
Saying "no" is not an option right now.
I need to get ahead of the curve.
I am making strides in other areas, so I guess my work-life can take a backseat for now.
We are in a serious transition time and I am more focused on ME than anything else.
And some experts would say that that is time well spent.
However, it doesn't get my staff motivated, it doesn't get audits completed, it doesn't get the special project done.
I need a work re-boot.
But I am not feeling like putting the effort out.
We need a giant reset button, and we are getting that soon, but for now, we are free-falling, like a plane on fire and heading for the ground fast.
So I guess my lack of motivation is warranted, but I can usually get my shit back on course. I have not been able to in the last month or so.
I will continue to work on ME.
Because I am all that I have.
And if I am not the best me that I can be, then I am following in someone else's footsteps and heading down a path that is not mine.
(Talk about stream of consciousness...)
I think some art is in order.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

In brief

It has been along time since I have posted here.
I am trying to figure out where to shout into the ether.
I have not been writing much.
I have not been creating art much.
My life has been a battle for my physical and overall health, of late.
And, yes, I recognize that creating is essential to mental health, which in turn feeds into physical health.
I have been focused on being more physically active.
I am 100% work at home now, and that means, I don't have the mile walk to the train in the morning, I don't have the walk from the station to the office, I don't walk aronud the office to get water, go potty, or meet with people.
I sit on my ass, day in and day out, in the second bedroom, noticing my pants don't fit, I am easily exhausted, and my attention wanders.
It's not as if I haven't been noting the changes as they have been happening, but, time has a way of getting away from you, and a day becomes a week, becomes a month and the next thing you know, a year has gone by and you have very little to show for the last 365 days.
I hit the bottom.
I recognized that I have been recording things, but not doing anything with the data. I don't review, I don't acknowledge success and failure, I don't challenge myself.
That has changed.
I am holding my feet to the fire.
I am actually setting goals.
I am breaking those goals into actionable steps.
I liked to think of myself as someone who was "above" having a routine and thought that routines are boring.
But I have learned that routine and planning means focus and it leads to success, it leads to accomplishment, and it leads to a whole me.
So, let's see if this platform and these brain dumps help in the overall scheme.