Thursday, September 20, 2012

I've been thinking about escape today
There are a number of reasons why this is appealing to me at the moment
There's work, there's my heart, and there's my ego
I need to get away from the things that keep crushing my happiness
Not so much crushing the happiness as much as it's smothering it, blocking it, making it difficult for me to find the happiness
I'm taking solace in the artificial
I'm not seeing the good, the hope, the spark
My negativity is coloring my life and it hurts
It literally hurts
I've tried to tap into the things and the people that make me happy
I'm rebuked or not rewarded for my efforts
So I stop trying
I decide that it's not worth my effort any longer
I decide that I just need to ride out the negative
Then I wonder if it's just a downhill in the cycle
And that could be
I just have to grasp onto something and hold on until it passes
But it still hurts
It still makes me feel like I'm insignificant.

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