Monday, June 10, 2013


I am not aware
of what you might think
at any given moment
All I know
is that
my thoughts swirl
and sometimes
they need to land somewhere
and sometimes
they might be read
by you
and sometimes
you may see yourself
in those words
or just coincidence

Monday, May 27, 2013

Road Trippin'

I am reminded of the RHCP song:
"Road trippin' with my two favorite allies.."

Well, they may not be two of my favorite allies. One of them is, the other is his brother, and I can deal with that.

Since we had a day off, I headed out with my favorite beer buddy to a brew-pub, in the southern suburbs of Chicago. We had plans to hit up Three Floyds in Munster, but they were closed. So it was Flossmoor Station and then off to Crown Point IN to Crown Brewing.

Flossmoor didn't disappoint. They had a good selection, and of course, it was Big Beer Monday so you could get 20 oz pours for the cost of a 16. But Judy chooses 12oz pours and therefore cannot take advantage. Sometimes, I'm not the brightest.

Had a mycetes, a mushroom abbey. Wasn't too bad. A little sweet. Nice color. I'm glad I tried it. The other was a Begian dubbel. It had a nice punch and didn't come off too strong but did pack a whallop on the back end.

Crown is always a gem. They do not sell much outside of Crown Point, so the trip is worth it, because I do not get to enjoy their brews unless I trek out to them. And I bring back a Growler to enjoy when I get home.

I wanted the Alkoholika ale, but they were dry. So, I had a bock and a double IPA. Both, of course, in 12oz tulip pours. What is my PROBLEM?! I choose these precious beers!

Oh well. Brought some Crown Brown Ale home to imbibe in while I watch the Blackhawks (hopefully) smash the Red Wings.

Who's signing up for the next road-trip?!?

Sunday, May 26, 2013


I am lucky
I have friends that I can reach out to

Granted, some of them don't respond immediately
And I get a little butt-hurt
But in general, if I reach out, there is some reciprocation.
And I am thankful for that

I have people I go to for work related issues
There are another group that I rely on for relationship advice
And then there are people I just do a Facebook status for so they know that I'm alive (and to check in on my Dad.)

I was usually the one to hang on the edge of any social grouping. I was never the center of attention, but I would interject at strategic points and usually leave the crowd laughing or thinking. I still do that. In fact I am amazed when I can walk into a room of people that I barely know and am able to get comfortable.

Now put me in a group of strangers, I will glom onto one person until that individual introduces me to someone else in the room. I don't make a pest of myself. I will hang out then retreat to the corner with my beer, and wait for another opportunity to "drop into" a conversation (likely, where I'm not wanted..)

But today?
I am thankful for my friends.
They have lifted my spirits, made me feel comfortable, given me guidance and encouraged me to become something better than I am.
What more could you ask for, really?

Saturday, May 25, 2013


I hate that in myself. But the greater affront to my fragile ego, is when I can't get myself out of the immediate dilemma.  Then, someone brings a solution to my attention and I feel like a complete moron that I hadn't come up with that on my own.

I will take the easier way out, when something isn't going to play out according to "my" rules. I will surrender or acquiesce rather than spend precious time coming up with an alternate solution.

I fancy myself as clever and a thinker. And then something simple throws me of and I feel like a moron. But there are times where the focus is so tight, that alternative frames of reference can't come to the surface, until afterward.

I will take this bit of humbling today and catalog it, so the next time I am faced with something similar, I might take an extra minute and try an alternate solution.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Some days I wonder if I've got "it" in me.

I wonder if what others see in me is actually "in" me.

I have proven that I can be "reactionary" but I have prided myself on NOT being so knee-jerk in my reactions/responses. I will still follow protocol, but I will question the logic of the protocol.

When I actually stand behind a "rule" then there is some merit to it. I don't follow blindly. I don't enforce without knowing the logic behind it.

Listen, if you want the responsibility that I have? TAKE IT!!! I will gladly hand over what has been foist upon my shoulders. Take the daily stress and the need to complete a report by the eleventh of the month. Take it. I will gladly hand it over to you. Problem is??? YOU can't handle what is already on your plate and your coworkers have to swoop in and rescue you because you can't get to your assigned duties. And you want to take on MORE?!!


I guess I have "it" in me more than I realize.

I wish I could believe it.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Random hump-day thoughts

So, this is the perfect descriptor for me since Friday. Not sure why. I literally thought my brains were oozing out of my ears yesterday. I'm still not 100% but I'm better. I had a couple of people talk me off the ledge yesterday.

Started off today on a good note and have been keeping on point. I'm not dwelling, I'm not perseverating, and I've even successfully interacted with the number one person who can pull me off my square. 

I decided that I needed the meltdown yesterday. I had been dealing with some stuff for over a week, which came to a positive conclusion (there is still work to be done, but that is more routine and isn't going to occur until July.) I kept my brain positive all the way through and I know that the stress of keeping the worry away needed a release.

I have to remain focused. I have to maintain composure (which I try to do on a regular basis, it's just that I have become more reactionary in the last few years.) I need to stop and give my brain a chance to respond in a more PC manner. This is not my usual MO, but I think I can still be blunt/straight-forward without being rude.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I am in the most foul mood I've been in, in a very long time.
I just want to rip and tear things.
I want to destroy things.

I won't do any of that, short of doing something self-destructive.
And at that, only temporarily self-destructive.

The world doesn't "owe" me anything.
I let myself down.

I had been riding so high.
My big 'ol head like a balloon.
For days, weeks.
I knew this day was coming.
Just like a balloon, it popped.
And I have come crashing to earth.

The ground is hard.
It hurts.

Let's see how long it takes me to get up THIS time.